[Editor’s note: a friend who worked in tech support told me that his fellow workers had a code for customer’s who were computer-challenged. When asked about a call his fellow workers would put down the phone and yell out to their fellow workers RTFM. It expressed what they wanted to tell the client who rang in. My friend got so frustrated one day he blurted out loud the words behind the acronym (RTFM) to a customer. Can you guess what he said to the client? Answer is at the bottom of these phone call records.]
This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk.. sorry….
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on ‘start’ for me and.
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it… ============== =
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah……………….thank you.
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…
Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
Customer: can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. ===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’
And last but not least…..
Tech support: ‘Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P ‘ to bring up the Program Manager.’ Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
[Not given to mincing words, my friend shouted down the phone line: “Read the Fucking Manual, Idiot!” and slammed down the phone. .. to the collective applause of his workmates. Needless to say he didn’t last in that job. Next time you call tech support please bear in mind what workers have to put up with.]